Regret in New Places

I Don't Know. I get his feeling that you guys reading my blog probably think I am writing this just to get attention. Or at least I am seeking attention. Well to get things straight, I am, in a way, looking for attention, more in a way of looking for someone that I can truly connect with. I have my few friends that know I self harm but they don't TRULY get me. My friend Belle gets my feelings, but she is in the middle of her own crisis and doesn't understand the true urge and release I get from cutting. Well... I hope that you all do not see me as attention seeking person. I just feel that blogging allows me to release how I feel without burdening people with my problems when they don't care. Here, at least, I have readers that somewhat are "interested". Anyways... Now onto my problems. Woohoo.. Well being that I haven't cut in a few days (I think- I am nocturnal so I sleep during the day so my days are off) and my urges were terrible today... Luckily I held off. I hate being a "cutter" ( if that is what category I fall under) I want to cut every second of the day even if there is no reason to want to. Even if I am happy I still get the urges. If I look at anything that says CUT on it I get the urge. Anything that symbolizes my deep feelings I get the stupid sensation. I love it but it just makes each passing minute difficult. Just writing this makes me wanna cut and I already cut today- like a little bit ago- only 1 major problem. I am getting farther up my wrist to the point of harder concealing and I cut in another place... AND I LIKED IT 0.0 that's the problem... I cut on my upper thigh. I forgot how much you bleed when you first cut somewhere with thin skin. I didn't even cut deepish at all and it was bleeding a lot and it kind of seeped a red line in my pajama shorts :(. oh well... Sooo nothing that exciting happened today being I woke up at 2 PM and just watched a P.L.L Marathon all "day/night". haha I love that show xD. I also like the new show Twisted. It is really good. Check it out if you already haven't. Okay peace out my lovelies <3