Damaged and Ashamed

Today did not start out very well. I woke up 20 minutes late and had a chat with my mother. Let me just say, do not-I repeat- do NOT have any conversation with my mother when she is in a bitchy mood. So I was talking to her about how I am really excited to get my next tattoo. She then remembered that my career requires that my hair be up at all times, so then she had to throw a big fit about how I must change the spot of my tattoo so NO ONE can see it. What's the point of a tattoo if no one can see how awesome it is? UGH! Then on our way down to my house she then kept nitpicking at everything wrong. Like the radio was playing on of Adam Lambert's songs and I said that he was playing at the fair this year. She then said something that me or my sister could understand but then we said Adam Lambert to repeat ourselves. She then said WHAT again... We then say it like even louder because obviously she wasn't paying any attention. But then she gets like soo pissed because we said it like louder making us sound "rude" and she says that she's "SICK" therefore she could not hear us. BULLSHIT! Having a runny nose does not affect your hearing. Then I finally got home and went to sleep, yay! I then awoke at like 9:30 AM and was expecting to pick up my sister but she failed to tell me that I am no longer picking her up at the school. Anyways, I cut but that is part of my daily ritual then I got ready for my sleepover at Belle's house :) YAY. Then 1:30 PM comes along and my sister texts me expecting me to drop everything I am doing to come pick her up at my mother's work. I do it just because I also have to get gas along the way. It is now 3 PM, I am at Belle's house just chilling when her 3 year old cousin comes over. Don't get me wrong she was adorable but I am NOT a child person. I suck at dealing with kids they irritate me but anyways I just went along with it. At 5 PM, we went to dinner at Applebee's for Belle's grandfather's birthday; they were so nice. We then got home and made S'mores :D yum! Then their neighbor Andrew came over to hang and also make marshmallows. He was chill. Josh, Andrew, Belle and I all talked for a long while and gossiped. THEN Josh and Belle thought it would be funny to screw around with the fire. I felt bad for Andrew because he was the target for all Belle's craziness ;). Her and her strange ways of flirting did not work well on this particular fellow. Anyways that is all I really did tonight. I feel terrible because I am still awake writing this and Belle is passed out already. Why do I have to be a burden on people? She asked to see my scars and I like froze up, like IMMEDIATELY! I want to show people but I just CAN'T I don't know why. I know she won't judge me but it is just something about it that will not let me say ok. So yeah I am currently sleeping with an arm warmer on my wrist just so it isn't exposed. I would really like to sleep without it but I know that I should. Therefore, I will. So let's just see how tomorrow morning goes without cutting before I sleep. Goodnight! <3