Jumping Out of My Skin with Anxiety

Oh my good golly gosh! I start college tomorrow. I am sooo not ready. I am freaking out. I just got out of one hell hole and now I must start in a new one. I guess my main worry is that everyone will be against me like in grade school. It was the worst feeling in the world to be pushed to eat in a classroom with two of my friends that, I guess, just felt sorry for me and had their own problems too. Normal people would be excited to start college because they are their by choice and get to study what they want. Honestly, I guess I kind of want to go back to grade school because I am not ready for responsibility or change. I liked having relatively no choice in classes or when it was and everyone was there. Here, everyone is different. The couple people I did meet do not have any days with me so I am back to square one- ALONE. Just thinking about it makes me want to break down crying. I just hope that the school has WiFi because then I can hide behind my laptop between my classes. God I am so anxious and definitely not in a good way. I feel like I am going to have a panic attack. And have a panic attack just thinking that I could have a panic attack in front of everyone in my new school. Oh god I hate change. I want to be comfortable in a steady unchanging life. WHy does life have to be so complicated? I am going to be alone tomorrow- A.L.O.N.E. all alone... The only thing I am partially excited about is the new selection of boys but I am worried that I will have no chance with any of them like my last school. I am WEIRD, UNATTRACTIVE, MENTALLY UNSTABLE, CRAZY, a FREAK, and last but definitely not least FAT. I will be the outcast at this school to just watch. Oh GOD! I can see it now... Sitting alone, being as silent as a mime, everyone glaring at me as I pass them through the halls, being talked about as I pass them. OH GOD!! Why did I decide to go to college?!?!?! Is it really worth it?? Ooooh nooo. I cannot wear nail polish, earrings (any kind not even plugs), jewelry ( no biggy), also no perfume or scented deo. That's FUCKED up!! UGH... oh well.. not much I can do now.... Goodnight. I plan on updating tomorrow if there is WiFi and I'll let you guys know if I am surviving. Love Ya <3 ;*